Hot? It's a Trap! (Here's How Not To Fall Into It)

Admit it! There's nothing sexier than a side ponytail!
Takes some serious confidence to rock that thing....

It looks as though originally this post went up online before I had actually finished it! Sorry about that folks. Here is the real post:

I was having a conversation this Halloween season with one of my cast members about an issue that I want to let everyone know about. I think it is important to keep in mind, especially when you have to deal with people who are in entertainment. And that is the issue of dealing with a really hot people!

I realize that that may seem sort of stupid, except, think about it...

Haven't you always wondered about how people in the movie and TV industry are always getting married, then divorced, then a married again, then having affairs, and then getting caught up in some other nonsense? It is the "hot person quotient," as I like to call it. It goes something like this:

One of my early acting teachers taught me a very good lesson, that if you are really going to go anywhere in the entertainment industry, when you walk into a room all eyes should look your way.  Everyone who sees you should either want you, or want to be with you. It is all about that confidence. It is all about having that certain something that makes people interested in you. And that can go for all kinds of people, not just people with good looks. It means people with a good personality. Sometimes, it's just that "certain something."

So my conversation with my cast member during Halloween was about how not to fall into the "hot trap." See, it is very easy to get that initial interest in someone and then for its to spiral out of control. That feeling you get when you look at them, in their costume and their make up and their character, is sort of overwhelming. It is supposed to be overwhelming! That is the entire point of putting them on a stage in front of you in the first place.

Please note: this just does not apply to performers, this also applies to service industries that deep and on getting you interested in order to influence you to byproduct. This means bartenders, waitresses, dancers, DJs, at Cetera -- all of them are also supposed to make you want to meet them, want to be with them. At least, if they are doing their job right!

Not everyone realizes this, but when you are doing a show, or shooting a television show or movie, you're in a very enclosed space with these very dynamic people with big egos in a really intense process. That is why you have these affairs, and these flings that are such a big deal to the press. You are in an altered state of reality. And that's what I was telling my cast member (and anyone else who will listen), these intense feelings that happen are not necessarily true feelings about the true nature of the person. They are really just "the feelings" in this moment.

But the flame that burns twice as hot, burns half as long!

For the audience of those performers, there is this interest and obsession. That is why sometimes you get weirdest stockers. Because the emotions that the performance, and the performer, bring out in the person watching what is going on can be just as strong as the real thing. Sometimes even stronger. There is also this sense of intimacy, that is not a real intimacy. When you're watching the performer in the movie theater, or they are in your home on your television, or they are with in distance that you can touch them on a stage, you feel like you know them while you are watching them. They are bringing out an emotional response in you. Which is what they are supposed to do, but remember that they are not sharing that same emotional experience with you. They are just providing it to you. There are many performers that I personally know, who are nothing like any of the characters they have ever portrayed. That guy on that television show that you like, may have aged 20 or 30 years since the time you watched it! While it is a great legacy that the performance still affects you, it is a problem if you cannot differentiate between the performer, and the role.

My son is experiencing some of this all ready, even at just nine years old. We had to some shows in Tennessee, and he was having little girls who had watched our performances hanging around the stage after the show to want to talk to him. Some of them even brought him little gifts! While he was flattered, he was also a little uncomfortable. When I talked to him about it he told me, "I don't know those girls. I don't even know their names! But they want to talk to me."

He felt that weird feeling that many a performer has, when you are in a crowd of people you don't know, and yet you see people looking at you with recognition in their eyes. That is something that sets off the ego that all performers have. 

I talked to him about it, just the same as I talk to my other cast members about this, to explore the feelings that he had about it. And, more importantly, to put those feelings in perspective! These sorts of interactions are normal. As performers, we depend on reaching that connection with our audience and other performers on stage. So those sorts of feelings are bound to come up! Really, it just comes down to how you handle it. What I told my son, is that you half to keep the emotions of the other person in mind, and to treat them gently and with respect. It is always about respect for the other person.

I am not saying that these feelings are bad, or that these types of feelings are wrong in anyway, shape or form. What I am doing is giving you my tip: and my tip is, know the nature of the beast. Understanding about what you are getting into will make it better for you and for that other person you are obsessing about in the long run.

Look at this crew! They are all so hot, how can you resist ANY of them?!