Believe in your self

Today, I am getting ready to head out of town once again. There is another show to do. There is another adventure to have. The biggest down the side of it, is that I have to do it by myself.

That is something I really want you to be comfortable with, and that is being alone. 

When I think about it the more important point of dating, what always comes to mind is that you cannot be needy. I don't even mean to needy, I just mean needy at all. You have to know your self. You have to know who you are, and what you want. This is one of the most important things for dating.

I am not saying that it will always be easy. There will be times when someone that you think you want you will want to change for. But I am going to counsel you against that, son and a daughter of mine. It never works out when you try to change your self to fit someone else's ideal. Now, I am not saying that you should not be open to new experiences, And break out of your comfort zone doing new things. How else are you going to find out what you really like to do?

Limiting yourself is something you absolutely do not want to do. And by that, I mean deciding that you are only going to date people in your social group. Or, deciding that you will never date people in your social group. Or in your town. Or add to your school. Why limit yourself?

 And frankly, some people are just not going to like you for who you are. And that is their loss. As long as you are comfortable with your self, you will always come out on top.

Hot? It's a Trap! (Here's How Not To Fall Into It)

Admit it! There's nothing sexier than a side ponytail!
Takes some serious confidence to rock that thing....

It looks as though originally this post went up online before I had actually finished it! Sorry about that folks. Here is the real post:

I was having a conversation this Halloween season with one of my cast members about an issue that I want to let everyone know about. I think it is important to keep in mind, especially when you have to deal with people who are in entertainment. And that is the issue of dealing with a really hot people!

I realize that that may seem sort of stupid, except, think about it...

Haven't you always wondered about how people in the movie and TV industry are always getting married, then divorced, then a married again, then having affairs, and then getting caught up in some other nonsense? It is the "hot person quotient," as I like to call it. It goes something like this:

One of my early acting teachers taught me a very good lesson, that if you are really going to go anywhere in the entertainment industry, when you walk into a room all eyes should look your way.  Everyone who sees you should either want you, or want to be with you. It is all about that confidence. It is all about having that certain something that makes people interested in you. And that can go for all kinds of people, not just people with good looks. It means people with a good personality. Sometimes, it's just that "certain something."

So my conversation with my cast member during Halloween was about how not to fall into the "hot trap." See, it is very easy to get that initial interest in someone and then for its to spiral out of control. That feeling you get when you look at them, in their costume and their make up and their character, is sort of overwhelming. It is supposed to be overwhelming! That is the entire point of putting them on a stage in front of you in the first place.

Please note: this just does not apply to performers, this also applies to service industries that deep and on getting you interested in order to influence you to byproduct. This means bartenders, waitresses, dancers, DJs, at Cetera -- all of them are also supposed to make you want to meet them, want to be with them. At least, if they are doing their job right!

Not everyone realizes this, but when you are doing a show, or shooting a television show or movie, you're in a very enclosed space with these very dynamic people with big egos in a really intense process. That is why you have these affairs, and these flings that are such a big deal to the press. You are in an altered state of reality. And that's what I was telling my cast member (and anyone else who will listen), these intense feelings that happen are not necessarily true feelings about the true nature of the person. They are really just "the feelings" in this moment.

But the flame that burns twice as hot, burns half as long!

For the audience of those performers, there is this interest and obsession. That is why sometimes you get weirdest stockers. Because the emotions that the performance, and the performer, bring out in the person watching what is going on can be just as strong as the real thing. Sometimes even stronger. There is also this sense of intimacy, that is not a real intimacy. When you're watching the performer in the movie theater, or they are in your home on your television, or they are with in distance that you can touch them on a stage, you feel like you know them while you are watching them. They are bringing out an emotional response in you. Which is what they are supposed to do, but remember that they are not sharing that same emotional experience with you. They are just providing it to you. There are many performers that I personally know, who are nothing like any of the characters they have ever portrayed. That guy on that television show that you like, may have aged 20 or 30 years since the time you watched it! While it is a great legacy that the performance still affects you, it is a problem if you cannot differentiate between the performer, and the role.

My son is experiencing some of this all ready, even at just nine years old. We had to some shows in Tennessee, and he was having little girls who had watched our performances hanging around the stage after the show to want to talk to him. Some of them even brought him little gifts! While he was flattered, he was also a little uncomfortable. When I talked to him about it he told me, "I don't know those girls. I don't even know their names! But they want to talk to me."

He felt that weird feeling that many a performer has, when you are in a crowd of people you don't know, and yet you see people looking at you with recognition in their eyes. That is something that sets off the ego that all performers have. 

I talked to him about it, just the same as I talk to my other cast members about this, to explore the feelings that he had about it. And, more importantly, to put those feelings in perspective! These sorts of interactions are normal. As performers, we depend on reaching that connection with our audience and other performers on stage. So those sorts of feelings are bound to come up! Really, it just comes down to how you handle it. What I told my son, is that you half to keep the emotions of the other person in mind, and to treat them gently and with respect. It is always about respect for the other person.

I am not saying that these feelings are bad, or that these types of feelings are wrong in anyway, shape or form. What I am doing is giving you my tip: and my tip is, know the nature of the beast. Understanding about what you are getting into will make it better for you and for that other person you are obsessing about in the long run.

Look at this crew! They are all so hot, how can you resist ANY of them?!

Are You Confident? Prove It!

Yeah. I've got some time for confidence before my 3:30...

Confidence.

Since starting this blog, I have spent some time perusing websites and blogs for tips on dating - trying to weed through what I think is good advice, and what is not. There is some great advice out there!

There is also some really horrible advice. Some of the worst advice I have seen was the advice to fake confidence if you do not have it. This is something I definitely disagree with! Confidence should be your main goal at all times.

This week I really began working on habits with my children. We created a calendar for them to track how long their daily practice sessions last (if you did not know, my son is the world's youngest professional knife thrower). The idea with this calendar is, of course, to help build habits of regular practicing with them.

Creating habits is the most important thing to do. Creating confidence is a habit!

There is nothing more attractive than confidence. Confidence in your self. Confidence in your books. Confidence in what you do. And all of that has to come from within, it is something that cannot be influenced by the outside as much as people often feel it is.

Make no mistake, certainly there are those who mistake confidence for pride. Or mistake it for being overbearing or overconfident. I am afraid that a lot of people in the world do not know what real confidence looks like, because the world is so caught up in bragging. It is not bragging to own up to your accomplishments. It is not bragging when you list your credentials in an argument or discussion to prove that you know what you are talking about.

It is confidence that allows me to run my business, what allows me to search for new business, and why I finished graduate school. It is confidence that allows me to step in front of any audience any time even with no notice, and put on a great show for them. I worked a very long time to gain confidence in my abilities and skills. Because, of course, I worked on them, nurtured them, and made them what they are today.

It is that confidence that made of my children's mother be attracted to me. It is that confidence that makes people like me when they see me on stage. I don't need to fake it, and I realize how powerful real confidence is. I want you to have that same confidence in your self! Just like I want my children to have it as well.

There is no reason for you not to be confident right now. I'm not saying go and boast about all of the cool things you have done, I am saying that you should always look at your accomplishments, and take some pride in them.

Do not be afraid to look in a mirror, look in your own eyes, and let your self have the confidence that you should. Know that in the world there are a lot of people who, for what ever reason, will not allow themselves to have confidence in what they do and who they are. And that is what it boils down to, not letting someone else dictate whether or not you are confident. That confidence has to come from inside you.

Do not let some other person dictate to you whether or not you should be confident. The key the confidence is knowing your self.

There is real power in knowing your self and being confident in your abilities, your looks, and your self. Explore those possibilities! You are never going to be good at dating someone else, unless you are happy with your self!

It takes a lot of confidence to rock this 'stache!

Dating Tips For My Son (From His Mother)

My son keeps track of his rules in a notebook of his own construction.

When I started this blog, I told a story. A true story. The story of my 9-year-old son asking his mother how to talk to girls and then have a relationship. Read that story here: http://datingtipsfortossers.blogspot.com/2015/01/why-start-blogging-dating-tips-for.html

Okay - let's talk about it! (Wait... you didn't read it, yet? How did you get this far. Go ahead... We'll give you a few minutes. You'll like it. It's an easy read.)

If you are having trouble reading his entry in the photo above, here are the dating tips given by his mother that he wrote down: 1.) Interduce (sic) yourself. 2.) communication like how you feel 3.) Hon-esty 4) be the best you can be 5.) cheeck (sic) for a ring.

His mother is obviously a very smart woman! These are probably the five (5) most basic rules there are, gents. So simple - yet so beyond so many... Let us go through each one individually:

1. Introduce yourself. Confident smile on your face, relaxed posture, look her right in the eye, and say, "Hi, my name is..." A nice follow up is, "How are you?" It is amazing how so many are too quick to try a pick up line, or some other "witty" comment. Why not be up front? And while you are doing that...
2. Communication. Like how you feel. You have to communicate. You cannot just have in your head what you want from the other person - you have to be able to articulate it. Not just verbally, either! Your body communicates. Your eyes express your emotions -- they let a person know how you feel.
3. Honesty. This is not just about honesty in your communication with another person. It means honesty with yourself. You have to really know yourself: who you are and what you are comfortable with. That leads to the next point --
4. Be the best you can be. We have always told our son: be the best you you can be. Whatever your interests, your goals may be, know yourself. The confidence that comes with that is more of an icebreaker than anything else. Sure, it is a fine line between confidence and being conceited... but it reminds me of Brendan Fraser's line in his movie Blast From the Past: "A gentleman always makes sure everyone around him is as comfortable as possible."
5. Check for a ring. My son actually came up with this one on his own - but, as his mother pointed out, even if she does ave a ring, that does not mean that you cannot give her a compliment. Neither of you owes the other anything but respect.

So, kids, these are the basics. The core of what you need to build from. 

I hope my son keeps that notebook of his forever, and takes the time to look at it and review it again and again.

Probably not very comfortable for anyone involved.