FINALLY : This Year's Father Daughter Dance!

Sorry! Have been off schedule from posting twice a week as I originally planned -- but, after today, we should be back on track!

Matching corsages seemed VERY important this year!

Friday the 13th was the annual Father Daughter Dance at my daughter's all-girl academy. Once again, the pressure was on to make sure she had a wonderful experience.

Luckily, I thrive under pressure!!

No. Not really. Was very stressful. BUT we were intent on having a good time, and so that is exactly what we set out to do.

Last year there was a huge snowstorm that made the evening a little more stressful as I tried to get us to the restaurant, the dance, to another restaurant, and then home. Of course, all those places were very spread out from each other, so it was very difficult. This year, we opted to keep everything closer to the actual dance location.

Luckily - no snow storm! Unfortunately - sub-zero temperatures made being outside uncomfortable, to say the least!

Also, since the happens just before Valentine's Day, flower prices are through the roof! Last year, getting the corsages was pretty expensive, and we were not quite happy as we would have liked with it - so this year we took advantage of buying lots of flowers to hand make a couple of corsages exactly like we wanted.

Last year's picture at home before leaving. What a cutie!

This year's picture... She is growing up!

We were lucky we had much of the day to prepare. There was no school that day, so there was time for my daughter to really enjoy the excitement of getting ready for the big day: an outfit to pick out, bathing & primping, hair getting done...

I, too, took time to groom - showering, shaving, oiling up my hair and beard. Checking and rechecking my suit to make sure it was pressed (and lint rolling off any stray dog hair -- which is ALL over the place at our house). Shining shoes (mine AND hers). If you are wondering, I did check with my daughter a couple of times to make sure I was groomed enough (yes, I did offer to shave my beard if she wanted me to - but she did not), and that she approved of my outfit and accessory choices.

Time for pictures from her mother and the grandparents (who came to watch her prepare, adding to the festivities), then off to dinner.

Now, last year we went to a very upscale Japanese restaurant before the dance, and afterward went to a diner for milkshakes. Originally, my daughter wanted to head back to the sushi restaurant, but after reminding her how tired she was by the end of the evening last year and discussing how she would have to choose only one restaurant to go to - she opted for milkshakes beforehand!

Since I was not specific on how many milkshakes she could have - it got a little out of control.

So of course, being my daughter, she was double-fisting milkshakes through dinner and seriously ready to party by the time we got to the dance.

And a little indulgence... Every girl likes getting a ring.
Especially one out of the gumball machine by the door.

The first bit of the dance was filled with little girls running all over the dance floor - a lot of sitting around and waiting for something to happen. Then, at last, the DJ really got the music going - and everyone hit the floor dancing. It pretty much did not stop all night!

It is funny, though, how it seemed that when he played "old school" - some Missy Elliot (expertly edited for content, btw), Kriss Kross, and some others - that was when everybody really hit the floor!

My daughter's only complaint last year was that they never played any slow songs - so she never had a chance to just have a dance with me. I do not know if that was something that other people said, too - but this year the DJ made sure to play a couple of songs (I am sure typical ones for a bride's dance with her father at wedding receptions) so we could all have a quiet dance moment with our own daughter. It was great! But it did make me a little sad, too - that my girl is growing up.

One thing I really enjoy about this dance is seeing the excitement of the girls hanging there with their dads. Many of these dads wore outfits matching their daughter's outfits (my kudos to the father there with his three daughters - he managed to coordinate everything!). They escorted their daughters from room to room. Made sure they had everything they needed. Even while the girls were on the floor dancing to Justin Bieber & Katy Perry (which few self-respecting men would do), the dads were clustered around the floor, taking pictures & video, all looking very proud.

I should know - I was one of them.

So we were at the dance until it was over, over. My lovely date worn out by so much dancing and fun -- we were off to go home, where she fell asleep sharing my chair with me as we recounted our fun times for her mother. All in all - a perfect evening!

Honestly, Dad, I've just had enough of your crap.

Are You Confident? Prove It!

Yeah. I've got some time for confidence before my 3:30...

Confidence.

Since starting this blog, I have spent some time perusing websites and blogs for tips on dating - trying to weed through what I think is good advice, and what is not. There is some great advice out there!

There is also some really horrible advice. Some of the worst advice I have seen was the advice to fake confidence if you do not have it. This is something I definitely disagree with! Confidence should be your main goal at all times.

This week I really began working on habits with my children. We created a calendar for them to track how long their daily practice sessions last (if you did not know, my son is the world's youngest professional knife thrower). The idea with this calendar is, of course, to help build habits of regular practicing with them.

Creating habits is the most important thing to do. Creating confidence is a habit!

There is nothing more attractive than confidence. Confidence in your self. Confidence in your books. Confidence in what you do. And all of that has to come from within, it is something that cannot be influenced by the outside as much as people often feel it is.

Make no mistake, certainly there are those who mistake confidence for pride. Or mistake it for being overbearing or overconfident. I am afraid that a lot of people in the world do not know what real confidence looks like, because the world is so caught up in bragging. It is not bragging to own up to your accomplishments. It is not bragging when you list your credentials in an argument or discussion to prove that you know what you are talking about.

It is confidence that allows me to run my business, what allows me to search for new business, and why I finished graduate school. It is confidence that allows me to step in front of any audience any time even with no notice, and put on a great show for them. I worked a very long time to gain confidence in my abilities and skills. Because, of course, I worked on them, nurtured them, and made them what they are today.

It is that confidence that made of my children's mother be attracted to me. It is that confidence that makes people like me when they see me on stage. I don't need to fake it, and I realize how powerful real confidence is. I want you to have that same confidence in your self! Just like I want my children to have it as well.

There is no reason for you not to be confident right now. I'm not saying go and boast about all of the cool things you have done, I am saying that you should always look at your accomplishments, and take some pride in them.

Do not be afraid to look in a mirror, look in your own eyes, and let your self have the confidence that you should. Know that in the world there are a lot of people who, for what ever reason, will not allow themselves to have confidence in what they do and who they are. And that is what it boils down to, not letting someone else dictate whether or not you are confident. That confidence has to come from inside you.

Do not let some other person dictate to you whether or not you should be confident. The key the confidence is knowing your self.

There is real power in knowing your self and being confident in your abilities, your looks, and your self. Explore those possibilities! You are never going to be good at dating someone else, unless you are happy with your self!

It takes a lot of confidence to rock this 'stache!

The Devil Is In the Details... and he's watching you...

How I spend my evenings normally.

I have gotten a little sidetracked talking about other things, and haven't been too forthcoming with the actual dating tips for you, tossers.

Years ago I was living in Long Beach and went on a few dates with a girl from my work (who worked in a different department on a different floor). I liked her, she was sweet... it just didn't work out. ANYWAY - one time we were talking and she said, "I miss the days when a guy would spend the day washing his car and making sure everything is ready for a date that night."

And you know what? She was right! At that point, thankfully, I was at a somewhat impressionable point in my life - and what she said really stuck with me.

No, I still didn't wash my car before our dates.

It was 18 feet long!! A 1962 Chrysler Imperial LeBaron. Fer crying' out loud, I could like down flat in the back seat and not touch either door! And so much chrome...! No, I got it neater and made sure the interior was clean - I did not have enough time to be washing the whole thing before every date.

That said, while I may not have followed the letter of what she said, I got the spirit of it.

A date should be a big deal! It should be met with excitement of the possibilities of what might happen!

Are you feeling too much trepidation about spending time with someone? Then maybe you are not ready to date. At all. Consider that... At the very least, maybe consider this person is not the person for you. Especially if you can't be bothered to clean stuff up a bit.

Yes, I am talking about cleaning yourself up a bit as well! Oh, sure - work ran long and you are a bit rushed... Something unexpected happened... I get it. But you knew you had a date, right? Couldn't stick a clean shirt, some deodorant or your cologne in your car to spruce up a bit? Even for a lunch or coffee date - great ideas, by the way. Especially for when you are just meeting someone the first or second time. Puts a time limit on it, so you can give some thoughts as to how things went after it.

Speaking with one of my good friends recently (he happens to be my age, with similar experience), we both bemoaned the fact that when we were regularly dating at a younger age, everything always seemed so rushed. There was this persistent pressure to "settle down." To find "the one."

It made us move too fast. It gave everything this short of sheen of desperation. There is nothing as unattractive as that. It was really too bad that we could not relax and just enjoy dating! Sadly, one of those things you learn as you get older.

Not sure why - probably the threat of AIDS - that seemed to make everyone feel like they had to settle immediately with that one person after that one date. Perhaps many men's fear of women's possessing their own sexuality. Lots of good ole American sociological BS shoveled over the top of all of us from a very young age. *shrug*

So... the dating tip:

Each date should be an event. Do everything you can to make it so. This does not mean you need to up the ante every time - that each one must be better than the last. But each one must be important. 

In case you were wondering - this is just as true when you are in a relationship, too. Also when you are married. Not just leading into trying to establish your relationship or marriage. Yes, the dynamic changes -- but that importance must remain.

If you are new to dating, kid, this is a habit that you need to establish in yourself. Get down to it! If the person you are dating cannot (or will not) understand, then maybe that is not the kind of person you need to date.

Take a look at this. You know it is true.

Why Start Blogging "Dating Tips for Tossers"

Your Reverend Tommy Gunn between the bountiful beauty of The Queen of Trash (l) and
Kitty Karloff (r) at a Los Angeles horror convention. He never dated either of them. All class...

My 9-year-old son approached his mother last night and asked her two questions:

(1) How do I talk to a girl?

(2) How do I get in a relationship?

His mother, of course, gave his some very good advice (in between her tears that her baby is growing up so fast). When I went to his room for a good night kiss later, he was still furiously scribbling in his notebook thoughts to go along with her advice. We chatted for a few moments before I tucked him in -- and I was left to consider what this turn of events means to me.

My son goes to an all-boys school (and his little sister to an all-girls school) so we, as his parents, were not really too worried about him trying to get a girlfriend right now. But we were both very concerned that he learn the right way to talk to a girl and, when the time comes for him to do it, to get into a relationship.

I was especially concerned after reading an article on Buzzfeed about this girl, Gweneth Bateman, who decided to do a little social experiment where she would respond to any boy that complimented her by agreeing with him. Read the article here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/this-is-what-happens-when-women-actually-accept-a-compliment?utm_term=.ucNzg3L7P#.eiPMpmkjq

As you read (What? You didn't?! Go back and read it! Go ahead. I'll wait.), this girl along with so many others found that if some guy complimented a photo of her or something online and she did not respond, they would invariably chastise her for not responding. So she decided to respond to compliments by agreeing... and the trolls would still attack and insult her. Pretty badly, too.

Personally, while I could believe that any boy would address a girl in the way described in the article, I did not want to. It really upset me. If someone were to say such things to my daughter, I would undoubtably flip the script (and do what Jay & Silent Bob did at the end of their self-titled movie, where they tracked down each person who commented about them online and stomped them... remember that?).

Further, one of my female friends commented on my posting of the article with this:

"I just had to stop arguing in thread where guys basically said that she baited them and deserved the responses because she was conceited because she didn't respond in way they thought was proper it was ok for the guys to respond so vilely. Reminded me of the defenders of abusers who say the woman deserved to be beat because she talked so much shit. Blargh."

"Problem here is how men are brought up to think they own women and its their job to put them in their place to let them know if they're prude, slutty, not smiling enough etc. I'm glad most of my male friends are able to move beyond this training."

Of course, I became really concerned that our son not fall into that sort of behavior. I will not allow him to be trained to think he owns women. My daughter will not let anyone own her. My standards for them and the people he associates with are significantly higher than the behavior of the standard troll. That is when I came up with the idea for this blog.

This blog is for my son. For my daughter. For the sons and daughters of other folks out there who would like to know what is really acceptable. Who would like to be good people.

It is a little tough - after all, I have not been a perfect person in my life. Am I really the person who should be giving dating advice? Well, bonus, I have a fair amount of life experience behind me. I have made mistakes, but I have learned from them. I would happily share my mistakes with you, son of mine, so that you can avoid the pitfalls I have been in.

I look forward to fun discussions as I lay out some tips for you, tossers!

Reverend Tommy Gunn gets a smootch at the Maritime Tattoo Festival. Respect!