Hanging Out At the Mall

There he is... just 10-years of good-looking!

So it finally happened... my 10-year-old son was invited to hang out with some girls at the mall.

A day we have sort of been dreading a bit - not that we dislike his friends or anything, but this is a step in a new direction. Of course - at only 10-years-old - his mother will not allow him to go to the mall by himself. And she considers going with friends at his age to still be going "by himself."

One of the young ladies' mother was accompanying them - but the plans were for a five hour extravaganza of shopping, eating, more shopping and more eating... frankly, I do not have that kind of time to be following a bunch of kids around. Luckily, once we were there, the parents all put their heads together and decided the day would be significantly shorter.

Side note: my son is (still) grounded. When he brought up this idea of going to the mall with his friends we were not too happy about it. We required some above & beyond good behavior from him in order for him to get to do this.

While he did not completely deliver on acting right – it was enough that we decided to go ahead and let him go. Mostly, because he had done nothing but talk about this event and all the plans all week and we were curious to see how it would go… But he was going to be accompanied by our whole family!

The other parents involved were great – and happy enough to all leave their children in the company of the one parent. I do not know if they were happy to see that my family was tagging along as well (me in my kilt & Doc Martens, my girl all gothic out, and the little sister along as well), but it did give us the opportunity to meet with some of his friends’ parents.

I am having a great time!

I was a lot more willing to let the kids run around partially unsupervised than my son’s mother! The girl’s mother who was accompanying them was even more hands-off than I was. And, really, it was not a problem because, to their credit, the kids acted respectably. They looked through a clothing store, trying things on and looking through accessories.

Next, to the bookstore (which I was very happy to see them interested in), then to dinner, before dessert at another place, and lastly there was running around and playing open square of this outdoor mall.

Over dinner, I asked my daughter (since we were sitting at one table, the mothers at another, and the other kids at a third) if she thought that my son liked the one girl. My daughter said absolutely. I asked my daughter if she thought that the girl liked my son... and my daugher said no.

He is destined for heartbreak.

From the conversation with this girl's mother, her daughter is very dominant - something her mother says she learned from her. Strong-willed and willing to go after what she wants. This is good - I want my son to meet these kind of strong women and have them in his life.

But at the same time, this girl is only putting up with my son. He is too willing to just do whatever it is she tells him to do. A couple times while they were all running around in the square, I called him over to point out to him he needed to stop doing whatever it was that they asked (as it involved him taking a diving roll off a wall and running at full speed through the square - apparently for a Vine video or something they were shooting. Once or twice, fine - but by the seventh & eighth time he was doing it, I was like, "enough!").

My son told me that he did what they asked because he respected them - and I realized he is not at the point yet where he understands being respectful does not mean just doing whatever you are told.

A lesson he will (hopefully_ learn soon.

Dating?! Aaaauuugggghhh!!!!!!

The Devil Is In the Details... and he's watching you...

How I spend my evenings normally.

I have gotten a little sidetracked talking about other things, and haven't been too forthcoming with the actual dating tips for you, tossers.

Years ago I was living in Long Beach and went on a few dates with a girl from my work (who worked in a different department on a different floor). I liked her, she was sweet... it just didn't work out. ANYWAY - one time we were talking and she said, "I miss the days when a guy would spend the day washing his car and making sure everything is ready for a date that night."

And you know what? She was right! At that point, thankfully, I was at a somewhat impressionable point in my life - and what she said really stuck with me.

No, I still didn't wash my car before our dates.

It was 18 feet long!! A 1962 Chrysler Imperial LeBaron. Fer crying' out loud, I could like down flat in the back seat and not touch either door! And so much chrome...! No, I got it neater and made sure the interior was clean - I did not have enough time to be washing the whole thing before every date.

That said, while I may not have followed the letter of what she said, I got the spirit of it.

A date should be a big deal! It should be met with excitement of the possibilities of what might happen!

Are you feeling too much trepidation about spending time with someone? Then maybe you are not ready to date. At all. Consider that... At the very least, maybe consider this person is not the person for you. Especially if you can't be bothered to clean stuff up a bit.

Yes, I am talking about cleaning yourself up a bit as well! Oh, sure - work ran long and you are a bit rushed... Something unexpected happened... I get it. But you knew you had a date, right? Couldn't stick a clean shirt, some deodorant or your cologne in your car to spruce up a bit? Even for a lunch or coffee date - great ideas, by the way. Especially for when you are just meeting someone the first or second time. Puts a time limit on it, so you can give some thoughts as to how things went after it.

Speaking with one of my good friends recently (he happens to be my age, with similar experience), we both bemoaned the fact that when we were regularly dating at a younger age, everything always seemed so rushed. There was this persistent pressure to "settle down." To find "the one."

It made us move too fast. It gave everything this short of sheen of desperation. There is nothing as unattractive as that. It was really too bad that we could not relax and just enjoy dating! Sadly, one of those things you learn as you get older.

Not sure why - probably the threat of AIDS - that seemed to make everyone feel like they had to settle immediately with that one person after that one date. Perhaps many men's fear of women's possessing their own sexuality. Lots of good ole American sociological BS shoveled over the top of all of us from a very young age. *shrug*

So... the dating tip:

Each date should be an event. Do everything you can to make it so. This does not mean you need to up the ante every time - that each one must be better than the last. But each one must be important. 

In case you were wondering - this is just as true when you are in a relationship, too. Also when you are married. Not just leading into trying to establish your relationship or marriage. Yes, the dynamic changes -- but that importance must remain.

If you are new to dating, kid, this is a habit that you need to establish in yourself. Get down to it! If the person you are dating cannot (or will not) understand, then maybe that is not the kind of person you need to date.

Take a look at this. You know it is true.