Monday, January 26, 2015

Shoot the First One & the Word Will Spread

Everyone should stand for something. Just not necessarily out in the rain being creepy about it.

Here is a quick sigh of relief! This article appeared on - 6 Viral Stories That Were Total BS ( At the forefront is that the "1 in 3 Men Love Rape" story I sited at the beginning of that an article on 1/19 ( was a BS article based only on interviews with 73 people. I assume they were all drunk during the interview. HOPEFULLY *that* version of reality is true...


While I have talked about this blog starting from my son's questions about dating -- this is also a blog for my daughter. About what her expectations should be when dating. Something which I should point out that, of course, she is never going to do!

At our house we just received the notice about the upcoming Father Daughter dance at her school (she attends a public, all-girls academy; just as my son attends an all-boys one). This notice brings with it a LOT of excitement! Last year, after it arrived and we determined I would be in town and able to attend, I got a serious talking-to about how important this is.

When the time arrived last year, her mother rightfully pointed out that it is my responsibility to show my daughter what she should expect on a date. Therefore, I should go all out in making sure everything was set up correctly. So there was a corsage, much preparation and fancy clothes, dinner beforehand, attending the dance (where I was very gracious to all she wanted to do - which, being only 6, involved running in circles around the dance floor with her friends), and then ice cream before heading home. All of this in a huge snow storm... But I got us safely there and back. 

There were pictures, laughs. Dinner was a pretty fancy place (cloth napkins). A nightcap (ice cream). Getting the hair & nails done. All in all - the quintessential date experience.

Once at said dance, I was glad to see I was not the only one. There were a lot of fathers in suits, often complementing their "date"'s outfit (as mine did). For every dad in jeans, there were 3 dressed to the "T." BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, I am definitely not dogging on anyone who was there! No matter what they wore, they were there and they were present. Seeing all these dads with their daughters was an awesome sight. 

The only downside was the DJ never really played a song that I could dance with my daughter to. She was also disappointed about that...

This year when the invite arrived from school, it led to a discussion with my daughter's mother about the real importance of having me be present for things that she is doing. For what both kids are doing, actually. The discussion also led to an ongoing conversation (read: argument) about doing things with the kids and the family.

Please note: my children's mother and I are together. I feel I should mention that because I am trying not to use names and stuff but since we are not married, I cannot call her my wife, so it is either "children's mother," or I refer to her as my "baby mama."

Her feeling is that we should spend every moment we can with the kids. My argument is that it is about quality, not quantity. We are lucky with what we do that we get to be home so much; but it still tough when we are on the road. When we get to take the kids, that is when quality time is the most important. I try to be at every event (swim meets, spelling bees, school concerts, and dances) -- and I am sad when I cannot be there for any and everything, but working & making money to support everyone is important, too. Sometimes I just have to make a choice.

When looking for viewpoints similar to my own - and to hopefully get some advice - I found Jim Lindberg's book "Punk Rock Dad" (

THEN - even better - watched his 2011 documentary The Other F-Word (

Whether a parent or not, I highly recommend you read the experiences of the lead singer of the punk band, Pennywise ( Especially when he talks about having to deal with being away for long periods at a time - and what that means to his three (3) daughters. One of the best moments in his documentary for my girl & I was when he can finally attend the Father Daughter Dance at her school - something he had not previously been able to do because of touring and traveling. But he realized the importance of it, and began to rearrange his life to fit the needs of his daughters.

THAT is the kind of guy my daughter should want to date. But younger... way younger than Jim is...

Oh, jeez, Dad. You are embarrassing...

1 comment:

  1. OMG Blogger ate my comment! >_<

    From my experience quality is definitely more important than quantity. My dad worked a lot, but the time he spent with "us girls" he was 110% invested. Not just the fun stuff (though there was PLENTY of that), but he also taught me how to fix a lawn mower, do laundry and change the oil in a car partly just so I could be around while he was doing stuff that had to be done (also because it's important stuff to learn lol). Being honestly and truly *there* in the time you have is far more important that half being there all the time.