Friday, January 30, 2015

The Devil Is In the Details... and he's watching you...

How I spend my evenings normally.

I have gotten a little sidetracked talking about other things, and haven't been too forthcoming with the actual dating tips for you, tossers.

Years ago I was living in Long Beach and went on a few dates with a girl from my work (who worked in a different department on a different floor). I liked her, she was sweet... it just didn't work out. ANYWAY - one time we were talking and she said, "I miss the days when a guy would spend the day washing his car and making sure everything is ready for a date that night."

And you know what? She was right! At that point, thankfully, I was at a somewhat impressionable point in my life - and what she said really stuck with me.

No, I still didn't wash my car before our dates.

It was 18 feet long!! A 1962 Chrysler Imperial LeBaron. Fer crying' out loud, I could like down flat in the back seat and not touch either door! And so much chrome...! No, I got it neater and made sure the interior was clean - I did not have enough time to be washing the whole thing before every date.

That said, while I may not have followed the letter of what she said, I got the spirit of it.

A date should be a big deal! It should be met with excitement of the possibilities of what might happen!

Are you feeling too much trepidation about spending time with someone? Then maybe you are not ready to date. At all. Consider that... At the very least, maybe consider this person is not the person for you. Especially if you can't be bothered to clean stuff up a bit.

Yes, I am talking about cleaning yourself up a bit as well! Oh, sure - work ran long and you are a bit rushed... Something unexpected happened... I get it. But you knew you had a date, right? Couldn't stick a clean shirt, some deodorant or your cologne in your car to spruce up a bit? Even for a lunch or coffee date - great ideas, by the way. Especially for when you are just meeting someone the first or second time. Puts a time limit on it, so you can give some thoughts as to how things went after it.

Speaking with one of my good friends recently (he happens to be my age, with similar experience), we both bemoaned the fact that when we were regularly dating at a younger age, everything always seemed so rushed. There was this persistent pressure to "settle down." To find "the one."

It made us move too fast. It gave everything this short of sheen of desperation. There is nothing as unattractive as that. It was really too bad that we could not relax and just enjoy dating! Sadly, one of those things you learn as you get older.

Not sure why - probably the threat of AIDS - that seemed to make everyone feel like they had to settle immediately with that one person after that one date. Perhaps many men's fear of women's possessing their own sexuality. Lots of good ole American sociological BS shoveled over the top of all of us from a very young age. *shrug*

So... the dating tip:

Each date should be an event. Do everything you can to make it so. This does not mean you need to up the ante every time - that each one must be better than the last. But each one must be important. 

In case you were wondering - this is just as true when you are in a relationship, too. Also when you are married. Not just leading into trying to establish your relationship or marriage. Yes, the dynamic changes -- but that importance must remain.

If you are new to dating, kid, this is a habit that you need to establish in yourself. Get down to it! If the person you are dating cannot (or will not) understand, then maybe that is not the kind of person you need to date.

Take a look at this. You know it is true.


  1. And yet another reminder that the season of coupling desperation is upon us... *sigh* I try to tell people that they'll find what they're looking for as soon as they stop looking so damn hard, but... that desperation runs deep. This notion that we all need someone to "complete us" is such bullshit. Needless to say, love that bottom image. Men should be offended.