Tuesday, April 14, 2015

It's All About the Family

We have judged you & found you wanting.

Here is something I want you to think about, if your significant other's parents hate your guts (I don't mean just dislike you, I mean really, really HATE you), then this is my advice to you: DO NOT GET MARRIED!

Seriously, and I speak from experience, if your significant other's parents hate you, this is the first of many signs that your relationship is doomed to failure. Give it up. Walk away. No harm, no foul.

Why is it doomed to failure, you may ask?

Whether they mean to or not, they will undermine you at every chance that they get. And, seeing as they are the filter to meeting you for all of their family friends as well as extended family, you really stand no chance.

In nearly every case I have been involved or observed, too - there is a REASON these people dislike you, and do not think you should be dating their child.

I am painting this in pretty broad strokes, but think about this: the person that you are dating has a history that you do not know about. I do not mean necessarily exes, or drama, but I do mean habits. Maybe they have habits and family history that precludes you from being the perfect mate for them. You may not see that. The person you are dating may not be able to see it. But friends and family? They can see it.

Because when I say family, I don't just mean blood relatives. I'm also talking about close friends, church family, and maybe even people in their scene. These people have all known the person that you are dating longer than you have. They can see things that you cannot. 

I myself, was dating this girl and her parents hated my guts. Not because I was a bad person necessarily, but because they could see that we were just two totally opposite things. Now initially, I think I took this as a challenge.

After all, who does not like being painted as the bad boy or the rebel?

But I did try to be fair to her parents. They questioned our relationship several times and counseled her to break up with me on a couple of occasions. I told her that she should listen to them. They are her parents after all. And she had a good relationship with them. Their advice came from the heart. But in the end, she did not break up with me.

When the people at our school, where she and I both attended, they still had her best interests at heart. They told me the same thing.  But neither of us would listen to them. Her church pretty much threw every roadblock they could in our way!

So you see where this is going? 

Eventually, we would get married after dating for five years. And then, finally, things ended. It turned out we were not compatible after all. And…

Well, it was ugly.

After we split, my parents (who did not dislike this girl) told me that they were not surprised that we had to split up. And I asked them why they didn't say anything while we were dating. And they were pretty frank with me:

"we told you," they said. "but you just would not listen."

This was a refrain I heard from a lot of friends in the months and years afterward. Heck, there were people I trusted saying that to me the night before our wedding. But I was just so caught up that I would not listen. But I realize now, that all of the signs were there. This girl's family did not like me, her friends did not like me, and even her church did not like me. But I would not listen. 

My friends and family, while they did not dislike her, continually were like, "what are you doing!"

Even as I look back on it, I realize that my dog did not particularly like her either.

So there you have it. Learn to recognize the signs. And, again, if it does not work out that's just the way it goes. There is no blame. Just accept that some people are just not compatible.

Most of all, listen to your dog!

Bitch, please...

1 comment:

  1. Well now if your dog didn't like her then that should have been your sure answer. lol Aaron's dog LOVED me right off the bat. His family not so much, but with my super common name (and 3/4 of them being away) it was a case of mistaken identity and extrapolating from his previous track record.

    Another thing I would add is be aware if the family loves you just a little too much. My ex's family did everything they could to keep me around but that was because they knew I was the best he'd ever do... and so far that's been the case as far as I've heard.

    Sadly, though, some people just aren't compatible (not referencing my ex, he was just an ass) and no amount of loving each other will fix it. Sometimes that's just the way it is.